You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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