wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
