her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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