I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize