Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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