An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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