im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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