i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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