Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
