Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
