brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
