The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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