420 ftw
oh god the rape fog is back!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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