listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
