Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize