if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
