she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My vagina is very pro this idea
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
