i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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