We won't sleep together?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
