Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize