How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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