currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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