We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
