if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
