Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
