see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
