why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
