I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
