If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
