Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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