he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
