Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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