i can't believe i had my finger in that
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
