she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
