Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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