let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize