How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
