So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
