I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
