Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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