So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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