I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize