spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
