I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
