Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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