i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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