A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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