Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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