I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
