I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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