I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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