So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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