God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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