last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
