I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
