it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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