Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
