Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
