Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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