This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
