I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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