it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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