when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
