i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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