How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
