Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
