Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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