Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
