Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize