saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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