Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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