i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
