I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
