When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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