Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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