recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
