I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
