What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize