what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
