I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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