Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
