i was rollin on her like bob the builder
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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