Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
