you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't deserve a penis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
