nut hugger
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize