Yo dont text me then not text me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if only i could text you this smell
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
