a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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