i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize