carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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