4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
