I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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