I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
