Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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