he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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