Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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